It’s time to share another journal which I feel is getting harder to do because, in theory, it sounds wonderful but to share it and write about it practically is really challenging. This journal, in particular, was just over 12 months of making the most significant decision of my life to follow Jesus. I mentioned in my testimony about money management how I moved an hour away from Almond, my boyfriend at the time of this journal and now my husband. In the space of those months, God blessed me with a full-time job, supportive Church family, new friends and a brand new car.
Although, I struggled with the weight of sin from my before christ life permeating into my life as a new Christian. It was a constant battle of the flesh and spirit, and it was understanding the life of the narrow road is not smooth sailing. I did not realise the damage that occurred within my spirit in those years because of the continuation of lies that I believed and told everyone to date Almond. Also, the influence of my sporting abilities birthed a prideful nature which combined with deceit equalled internal turmoil. In my teenage years, I had zero confidence because I was not the most popular or the prettiest, but I was the sportiest, which gave me 1000% confidence in a sporting field.
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
I was essentially trying to move forward from my past and not allow it to define my life because it was the one thing I based my self-worth on, which was a lie from the enemy. By the age of 18, I became so depressed that I was suicidal. I shared my story at a weekly life group with a lovely lady from my church who took me to see a psychologist. I remember being embarrassed that I needed professional treatment for my mental health. The shame was overwhelming, and it birthed a sense of resentment towards my situation. I believed that I had to continually lay my life before God so he could restore me. So, I needed to be honest with God because I knew in my heart that it was creating division in my relationship with him. I asked God to make a way for me because I knew I was heading down a destructive path for my life.
Fast forward to 2021
I am still navigating the narrow road, which sometimes feels like there is barely any breathing room. But as long as there is life in me, the breath of God will get me through (Job 27:3). In this day and age, the enemy is trying to suffocate Christians with everything going on in society from COVID, isolation, fake news etc., to keep them all from following Jesus on the narrow road. My hope and prayer through sharing my journals will encourage you to seek the opportunity to know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. And as I write this post, I am prompted to cling on to the verse 1 John 4:4.
You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
1 John 4:4NIV
I believe this verse is a reminder that we get through this life journey because we know God gave his only son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. I am so thankful to God that I found the narrow road because the wide road would have been the death of me. I know upon reflection, my journals have been a reminder of God’s love, mercy, grace and presence in my life. And it has all stemmed from the gift of salvation which is free for everyone because Jesus paid the ultimate price! *Insert my mic drop below*
Love G x